he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
