One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
