3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
