foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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