I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
