addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my being single is dangerous.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
