I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
