Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we're making bets on your personal life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
