he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
