I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
