the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
