i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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