Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
