2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
