Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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