the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
two words: eviction party
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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