Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
