I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
