Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
