I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
