I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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