If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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