She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
