is your mom at the bar?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
