I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
