you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
