I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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