I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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