I must be too annoying 4 u.
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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