i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
