I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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