Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know Iām leaving with him
Randomize
