We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
