I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
