I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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