I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
