so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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