it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
