cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
