You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we're chasing vodka with high fives
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
