what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Come share oat with me in your robe
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
