She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
