im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
