Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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