i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
whose parrot is this?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
