Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
