Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
