If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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