It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Slut skills are useful in every country.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
