I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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